If I could go back in time and speak with my younger self,
would I tell her my life and change what was to come?
Would I - tell myself to stay away from that boy. The boy
who first stole my heart, the boy I gave everything to, the
boy I bunked off college for (regularly) and the boy who so
cruelly broke my heart?
No.
I would do it all again.
He was vain, selfish, loved to be adored, and I was obsessed with him. I was
blinkered to his numerous infidelities and blinded by my completely
unwavering love for him, so when he ended it all, I thought I would die...
I didn’t! To my surprise, after a short period of the world crushing heartbreak,
I became stronger, stronger than I was before and vowed to myself, that I’d
never again be treated as though I was anything less than a queen, a vow that
I continue to live by.
Would I - stay in college instead of getting a job?
No.
My job made me happy, I was never particularly academic and the day I
decided to leave college, I secured myself a job in a clothes shop. Not the life
as a Royal Engineer or midwife that I’d imagined, but for the first time I felt
like I’d made an adult decision, It might not have been the right one but I
owed it to myself to do my best to make it work.
Would I – move out of my parents' home earlier?
No.
I lost my father to cancer last year, he was my everything, so I’m incredibly
grateful for the time spent living with my parents, it was amazing. They
supported me while I worked out where I fitted in this crazy life, they opened
their home back up to me and my family when we were between houses and
they showered my children and husband with all the love they had shown me
growing up.
Would I – say goodbye to that holiday romance?
Hell No.
I fell in love with him.
He was 4 years younger and loved me in a way I had never known... He was
kind, loving and desperately wanted to settle down and start a family. It was
something I had never wanted before, but he made me feel like this was the
right time for us. We decided to try for a baby only weeks after meeting and
married a few months later in a beautiful village church, thank goodness for
the Ex-Navy Chaplin that married us and made light of the fact that I was 6
months pregnant, giving us a hilarious & truly memorable service. Our
beautiful daughter was born and thanks to an accident that saw my new
husband medically discharged from the Queens Horse Guards (British Army),
he was by my side.
Would I – learn of the problem causing my secondary infertility sooner?
No.
The 10 years that we were trying for our second child were some of the most
difficult in our relationship. I was low, and he was trying to pick me up all the
time, it took its toll and we took a short break from each other. When we
realized that we were better together than apart, our relationship became
unbreakable, and a few years later, quite miraculously led to our precious
second daughter.
These lessons are indeed just that, they have helped me to learn, move forward
and become a stronger woman, mother, wife, and human.
If I was to change any of them, I wouldn’t be the person I am today or lead the
happy life that I do.
I could have been richer, more successful, or even famous had my choices been
different, but I believe without a doubt that this is the life that is perfect for me,
full of love and surrounded by people of integrity and happiness.
My advice to you, is to make your choices and own your decisions, things will not
always work out or go to plan, but they will all leave you with either happiness or
a lesson, and neither are bad if you use them to move forward with your life.
Txx
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